In my paragraph I used a lot of details and description. I also described the characters but I have could have done better. I also used first person instead of second person. I had a lot of feeling towards my essay. I need to describe the characters not only their appearance but their actions and traits. I could use more internal monologue in characters and state more description in every thing. I also can use dialogue and state what is happening in more detail. Ms. Priester can help me more in stating facts and using dialogue. I have noticed that I will use dialogue at one point and state another thing instead of staying on the topic.
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